Well, let’s start by putting it out there, going through a breakup hurts like crazy. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship lasted three weeks or three years, being heartbroken, lost, and physically ill is the worst feeling ever. Here is the bad as well as the good news there’s no magic formula to do away with the pain of a bad breakup but it’s definitely possible and there are ways to deal with a breakup and move on with a little bit of grace and strength
There have been various studies carried out to understand the emotional trolling one goes through while going through a breakup. A 2010 Northwestern study showed that a bad breakup clouds one’s sense of self creates a kind of identity crisis and also makes us feel emotionally lost. It doesn’t matter if the relationship was good or bad, it still takes some toll on one’s body and mind. If the relationship was extremely good and has been a part of your life for long then it’s still the same.
Everybody going through a breakup has better chances of coping with it if one understands that there is a grieving period, no matter where you are in the process. There will be a sense of emptiness, sense of abandonment, instability when thinking about the future, disappointment- to be exact- a sense of feat from going to ‘me’ from ‘we’. Though it might sound hard, you have to be there for yourself to treat yourself better. Emotional wounds take time to heal, but the process can be dealt with better by taking control of your health and well-being(1).
10 Ways To Deal With A Breakup And Move On
You could actually make the best out of the breakup phase- like pamper yourself, love yourself, get healthy, and grew up as a person both emotionally as well as physically. To help you with the same, we’ve rounded up seven simple and smart ways you can use this time of your life to make breakup stress actually a stage of improving one personally(2).
Ok, so chunk- that weeping, mopping, mascara sweeping all over the face image, the classic chick-flick image of women eating ice cream in bed crying -into the drain and pick yourself up because the breakup is the best time to get a complete life renovation.
Step 1: Block Them Out Of Your Social Media Platforms
I know, we have all been there – snooping into our ex’s profiles to know what and where they are and how they are coping with things – hurting ourselves and crying if we find out that while we are actually crying our heart out, they are actually enjoying themselves will make it even worse.
If you feel that there is a temptation to see if they’ve been paying attention to your stories and it’s going a bit out of hand, the best thing – trust me- is to just block them.
Block him/her or unfollow, this way when you do get social and share your day-to-day activities you can be sure that you are not overhyped in hopes that your ex gets to see how much better off you are and feel jealous and then eventually get back to you. Hence blocking the person can save you from being obsessively stalking your ex on social media.
Step 2: Be Mentally And Physically Free From Your Ex
Anything that reminds you of him goes out your front door. So the best thing you can do is donate or throw away anything that reminds you of your ex. Or if you find that impossible- create a “breakup box” like how the expert suggests. A breakup box is one where you can put keepsakes you might want in the future but are too painful to go through at present.
Step 3. Don’t Shit Talk Your Ex
Yeah, I totally agree that it feels great to trash talk your ex with your peeps, and hear them say that you are too good for him. But this could easily become a pattern, where even your friends might get fed up with you.
Step 4: Use Your Breakup To Become A Better Person
No am not saying that you are a bad person and that’s why you broke up in the first place. Am saying you can become a better person as in, you can hit the gym, take a girls’ night out with your friend, go to a salon and pamper yourself. Looking good can really help you feel good.
Also, if your ex asked you to stay as a friend, experts recommend not to jump to that immediately. It might sound easy, but going from being the person in his/her life to becoming a friend while he/she moves on can be very hard for you as a person to go through, especially if you are not over the relationship.
Experts recommend taking time to decide is necessary because as awkward as the breaking up period can be, it’s hard to tell whether you’ll be able to be friends or not.
Step 5: Don’t Be Alone
I totally get it, when you are mentally not in a good place all you would want is to be in your room alone. While alone time is a good thing, staying alone and getting drunk for too long can cause you serious mental health problems.
This could lead to depression or even anxiety. If you feel an impulse to get drunk all alone don’t hesitate to call some of your friends and have them join you.
The worst you can do to yourself is be alone, sad, and drunk. Also, don’t go to a pub alone- a breakup can make you do crazy things that you would certainly regret later like say- your anger towards your ex mixed with alcohol can make you crazy and you might end up hooking up with a 50-year-old man with a ponytail and tattoos in a stinky bar bathroom.
Also, do not drunk -text your ex and say something that might cost you your self-respect, this is why we say you need your friends around, especially when you decide to get drunk so so there would be someone that might help you to hold yourself from doing things on an impulse.
Step 6: Relax
Use all options that can help you relax. Join gym, yoga, or aerobics. The kind of things you do for relaxation would depend on what you like. Some people can recover when they join intense workouts like boxing or karate, while some might like more subtle forms of workout like dance, etc. either way the choice is yours. The goal here is to divert the mind and get the negativity out of your system.
Step 7: Get Out And About!
Ok, once you take some time and cry out that initial pain, it’s time to go to the next stage. Being inside all day can tire you out and make you feel dull. Take at least two hours from each day just to leave your home and get on with your social life.
Step 8: Keep Your Friends Circle Positive
We stress on being positive because breakups can make even the strongest people feel like they’re worthless. You need a friend who encourages you and makes you feel better to help you heal faster. Experts claim that “When your self-esteem is at an all-time low, these are the people who can help empower you while you work on defining your own self-worth.”
Step 9: Rebound
Rebound with a hot girl/ guy can sometimes help but this need not go well for all. If you start dating someone else, take it really slow. Remind yourself that your heart just exploded like that scene from the mission impossible movie. Enjoy rebound causally and don’t take it to heart unless you really hit it off with that person.
Step 10: Place And Analyze Your Emotions
It might be tempting to do the things you never wanted to do before. Take time to become mindfully aware of your emotions and label them, keep them in check. Organize your life, and keep telling yourself “I have my shit together”. Cry when you need to, hold yourself back and be bad. Keep your phone away at bedtime.
If you hold your emotions in for too long you might end up having it all come together when you are at someplace, like say office- do you want to embarrass yourself by suddenly crying a river and making your college especially the once you do not so keen off come to you and say that “ you will be ok, “ you will be fine, etc.
Last but not least, if you have hopes of eventually making him/ her come back to you-you need to suck it up. A breakup means the relationship has ended. Though it might be sad and unfair, it was a failing relationship which is why it has to end the way it did. When you really feel like you need to blow out some steam take a piece of paper and write it down” “I really hate you-you dickhead, how could you do this to me” that sounds like a good to start off to release the steam.
Remember, whatever happened, it is your fault, and also this is not the end of the world. I hope you found this article useful, let us know what you think. We would be happy to hear from you guys.