One of the biggest challenges of being in a toxic relationship is taking that step to put an end to your suffering. Once you gain the courage, it might be the best thing to happen to you but the issues don’t solve there. All that physical and emotional abuse would have taken a toll on you physically and emotionally. Real freedom starts with healing from a toxic relationship.
So how does one start healing? If you have been through physical abuse and infidelity healing will take time but it will happen with patience and self-love. This article on healing from a toxic relationship will take you through the different healing methods that have helped millions of people find themselves again.
To heal you need to understand and process what you have been through and realize you are not the only one, a lot of people are in toxic relationships and most of the time people don’t even realize what they are going through.
What Is A Toxic Relationship?
A relationship can be toxic in so many ways, some times the reasons are obvious, and something it’s in those small and subtle acts of your partner that leave you unhappy and drained. Disagreements and small issues are normal in every relationship, at the end of the day we are all different and only human, things don’t always have to be in sync. As long as you and your partner are both willing to talk things out, listen to each other and try to understand one another, these little road bumps are perfectly normal and very necessary to maintain a healthy and happy relationship.
How To Identify If A Relationship Is Toxic?
If you feel like your partner is being disrespectful, dishonest, manipulative, controlling, argumentative, abusive, and does not support you then this could mean you are in a toxic relationship. You might find these things normal because you still love your partner but if that love doesn’t reciprocate then you need to make changes. Emotional abuse(1) can be very tricky to identify initially as people tend to forgive and forget. It might take time for people to realize what is going on but if you are going through any kind of physical abuse then it’s a huge red flag and you need to get out now!
Signs That You Are In A Toxic Relationship
Toxic behavior can come from any side, it could be your partner, you, or the relationship itself. Sometimes being in a relationship that does not work out can make people toxic.
- Felling stressed out when you are with your partner: Stress that comes as a result of external sources such as financial issues, loss of a family member or a job, or loss of a child is normal and will pass with time even if it initially takes a toll on the relationship but if you are feeling stressed even without any issues if being in the presence of your partner stresses you out and makes you edgy then its a sign that there are issues with the relationship.
- Feeling miserable and exhausted both mentally and physically: If every time you spend with your partner makes you feel exhausted and miserable that’s another sign that things are not going well.
- Lack of support and understanding: Healing from a toxic relationship is very important if you and your partner are no longer able to motivate, understand and encourage each other, then those are signs that your relationship is not positive anymore.
- Being selfish and competitive: If your efforts are not being appreciated and your partner cares only about his/her well-being that it’s time to rethink. If your achievements, happiness, and progress in life are viewed as competition by your partner then you need to reconsider.
- Communication always ends in arguments: If you are trying to communicate and your partner just criticizes you and doesn’t see your efforts those are signs of toxicity.
- Avoiding/ Ignoring the partner: Healing from a toxic relationship is necessary if you feel happy and relaxed in the absence of your partner and you ignore their calls just to be peaceful then surely you need to know that there is a shift in the relationship.
- Being constantly jealous of your partner: Seeing your partner get a promotion or even just happy makes you irritated then it’s toxic nature.
- Controlling nature: If you and your partner are trying to control each other’s life, that means there is a sense of negative possessiveness and lack of trust, controlling behavior when ignored can later lead to abuse both emotional as well as physical.
Now that you have noticed the signs, it’s time to take action. The longer you stay in a toxic relationship the more it will damage you. Though it’s difficult to take the initial step, understanding Healing from a toxic relationship is better than being unhappy together.
Healing From A Toxic Relationship: The Process!
Process Your Emotions
When you decide to end a toxic relationship, the real struggle starts. Now you have to fight your battles. All those years of putting up with something painful would have changed you. The feelings that go through you initially can be confusing and difficult. Hence you need to give yourself time. It’s okay to cry, break down and sometimes shut off. Processing and letting your feelings out is the first and initial stage of healing from a toxic relationship. Don’t give yourself a deadline, take your time and set your emotions free.
Don’t Wait For An Apology
When you leave the relationship let it go completely, don’t hang on. I understand that you must be angry about a lot of things and you might want an apology but sadly this rarely happens and you are just delaying your healing process. Instead, you need closure from yourself and try to move on.
Block The Other Person
You do not need to know how your ex is doing. You might be tempted to check on them or check them on their social media, but this cannot bring anything positive and might even take a negative effect on you. We recommend that you take a lot of “me-time” and completely close off contact.
Keep Your Circle Positive
Surrounding yourself with positive people can help you heal and stay motivated. Your support system could be anyone, friends, family, parents and if you don’t have any of these then your therapist.
Re- Connect With Yourself
Being in a toxic relationship means you are lonely, and if you had a controlling partner then you might be left with zero friends and interactions. Meet new people, reconnect with old friends or just start doing the things your love. It could be anything from dancing, reading, yoga, or even traveling. Reconnect with things that make you happy!
Admission and Self-love
One of the worst and most common issues most people face after a toxic relationship is they tend to stop loving themself. This is because the toxicity, constant letdown, and criticism from your partner have made you lose your self-worth.
To start healing from a toxic relationship you need to find peace within yourself and start loving yourself. Do not feel ashamed to share your story, talk to your friends or your therapist. The willingness to be open and to let go of the past is the key to a new beginning. Invest in yourself and put yourself and your well-being above everything else.
You are precious, be gentle with yourself. Instead of pinning yourself as a victim consider yourself a survivor and understand that your past has made you stronger than ever.
Can A Toxic Relationship Be Fixed?
Once a relationship turns toxic it is difficult to fix the relationship but it’s not entirely impossible. A relationship can only be fixed if both partners are willing to heal, forgive and move on. Both partners need to be equally invested in the relationship and the desire to make things work should also be mutual.
Finally, I would like to say that it’s not your fault that you were treated poorly, therefore stop blaming yourself and forgive what happened. Human beings are complicated, almost all relationships start healthy before turning toxic so there is no way you made a mistake.
After healing it can still be difficult for you to trust someone or get into a new relationship. Don’t force yourself into anything, the path to recovery is different for different people, hence comparing your progress with that of someone else is not right. Live in the moment and try to take a day at a time. And I assure you with each passing day you will start feeling better. Sure there might be good days and bad days but in the long run if your love and trust yourself things will get better.