First date jitters are pretty normal. There are times we go search for books on the ideal or perfect first date. Most of us have more failed first dates than “perfect” first dates.No matter how many dates you have been to, chances are high you will feel nervous around the guy you are going to meet for the first time.
What To Do On A First Date With A Guy?
Being too nervous can go wrong in many ways. Some talk too much when they are nervous and not every guy likes that. No blame there, it can be annoying. On the other hand, some cannot talk when they are nervous. No guy will go for another date with a woman who won’t talk, thinking she had no fun. Nervous or not, talking is important on a date. I mean, isn’t that all we do on a date?
I can help you with a few “do’s” on a first date so that you can relax and have fun. After all, it’s just one time! You might not even see the guy again. Care for my advice? Don’t overthink and make it worse than it already is. Chant this three phrased mantra in your mind before leaving – Relax, talk, have fun!
Choose an ideal dating venue where you can talk
What is the point of going for a date? It is for getting to know each other by talking. How would that work out if you go to some loud place where you cannot hear the other person talk? Or worse, where you will have to scream at each other to talk? No point. It’s completely pointless.
A quiet place is always a wise choice for a first date. Where you can talk and listen to each other. It is also essential to keep it short. Imagine sitting with a guy for an hour you have no absolute interest over. Don’t kill yourself. Go for a coffee, because coffee is always the savior in disguise. Suggest a place where you can relax and relieve some pressure like bowling, art galleries, zoos, etc. And if you want to prolong the date, you can go for dinner later.
It’s better to keep the movies for a second date. You literally cannot interact with him there. The first date should be all about getting to know each other. Going to a bar that is packed with people where it’s too noisy and loud is the worst option to choose from. Imagine how embarrassing you is yelling at him about your week. Besides, you would want your first date to be with a sober mind. You don’t want to accidentally spill anything you will regret later on.
Clothe your personality while being comfortable
You might spend hours contemplating on what to wear and go hunting in the closet for the perfect dress. But I tell you, always, always dress comfortably. You will have a much better date if you are comfortable in what you wear. You should feel comfortable.
Choose a dress if you are going to a fancy restaurant; a classy dress that accentuates your best features. But try not to wear anything too tight or that shows too much skin which leaves nothing to the imagination(1). Let him have something to think about. Cue the wink!
If you don’t like dressing up, don’t even bother playing dress up in front of your mirror. If in case the date ends up bad, you will be relieved about one thing at least. But you must put some effort. As the old saying goes, the first impression is the best impression.
A date is not an interview
The immense pressure of dates put you on an edge, just like how you go for an interview. There is this absolute need to be the best; you have to put the best foot forward, you have to put on your best clothes, you have to try to say the best things. If not the best, it is the “right” thing.
Be the right fit for the person sitting across from you. Just like an interview. They ask you questions and you have to stop for a moment and think, “what to say to make them like me?” But that is not how it is supposed to be. It should come with the flow, not with pressure.
Pro tip- be authentic but don’t try too hard.
Be confident. Be yourself.
A confident woman is a sexy woman. Guys love confident women. Someone who can speak out and outwit him. Someone confident in herself. In other words, be everything you are. Do not try to be someone you are not. Simple as that.
Let him know the real you on the first date itself. You don’t want him to see another version of you on the next date. Be as real as you can be. I know it’s hard opening up and getting comfortable on the first date itself, but it is always better to be yourself. For both of you. If he cannot handle the sass in you, he is not worth it. He won’t last much anyway.
Be silly, not uptight. Laugh your heart out
Give yourself a breather and loosen up. If you are having a great time with the guy, go be your goofy and silly self. Do not hold back thinking what if he doesn’t like you or there won’t be a second date. Make most of your first date then!
Laughter is the key. Laughter goes all the way to the heart. When you laugh, you are in a good mood. When you are in a good mood, the person you are with feels good. Laughter is said to be contagious. Lighten up the mood by laughing at silly and funny stories. But please don’t fake laugh. It is honestly displeasing in every possible way. Bring the real you along with the real laughter in you.
Your cheer laughter could be a turn on for him. You never know!
Stick to positive conversational topics and share details about you.
Give him a chance to know about you and your life. Talk about what you love, which will give you a beauty only a beholder can witness. Talk about something you are passionate about, what you do in your leisure time, about your family, etc. Stick to the positive and light topics. You don’t want to talk about deep and heavy topics just yet. But be careful when you overshare to a douchebag. Keep a line that doesn’t cross too personal.
Get to know him and listen to him
A woman is said to talk more on a date than a guy. Prove them wrong and give the guy a chance to talk. Learn about him and listen to him. Actually listen, for real. Do not interrupt him when he is talking. That’s plain rude.
Ask questions if you feel he finds it difficult to open up, questions that can help you get to know more about him as a person. “What are you passionate about?”, “What are your interests?” Or lighter questions like, “How did your week go?” You can know what he did and how he looks at everyday normalcy in life. Show him that you are interested to know about him. He will open up more. Then again, don’t bombard him with unnecessary questions. To put it simply, don’t bore him to a point he won’t bother to mingle.
If all goes well, pay him a genuine and sincere compliment. You will find him more confident which will give way to more interesting conversations.
Be honest with him
If you are having a good time, make sure both of you are on the same page. He might be dipping his toe after a relationship and wants something casual whereas you are on the road of a long-term relationship. That will be disheartening if both of you don’t meet at the end of the road.
If you are having a bad time, make an excuse and leave. Don’t lead the guy and more importantly, don’t show the disinterest on your face. Give him a hint that there won’t be a second date. But do it politely, not bluntly. Blunt is a major turn off and rude.
Put your phone away while talking to him
If you didn’t know already, eye contact is the most important thing to focus on while having a conversation with anyone. Now you know how disrespecting and rude it is to keep your eyes glued to your phone while the guy across you sits uncomfortably.
Throw your urge to check your phone every five minutes out of the window before a date. That will leave a bad impression on him. Younger girls are more prone to the screen time(2) phase. But do not bring your phone in the middle of a conversation. Excuse yourself if you want to use your phone for an emergency. After all, it’s only half an hour or an hour.
Try not to avoid eye contact with him unless he gives you the creeps. Try not to stare anywhere else too much and just focus on him.
It is not always “love at first sight.”
Don’t try to fool yourself. First dates are always nerve-racking and almost always ends up bad. There is no sugarcoating in that with fireworks and butterflies. And it won’t be love at first sight. But there are good first dates that will leave you with a warm feeling in the body(3). We all find “the one” through the first dates obviously. But that doesn’t mean that you will fall for the guy with just a smile. It’s not always rainbows and unicorns, duh.
It takes time and effort to make the relationship work. Likewise, you both should hit off naturally and comfortably on your first date. A certain connection that will make you both want to spend more time with each other, again. That’s just a spark. Not love. You fall for the personality and not for the looks and beauty. We find people more interesting as time passes. We admire them later, if not on the first date. If he can leave a good impression on you on the first date itself, score!
Offer to pay, if that’s what you want.
If you want to pay, offer him. Or you can share the bill. This won’t leave a negative vibe. But if you don’t want to, you can simply be silent when the waiter comes with the bill.
Avoid hooking up with him.
If you are looking for something serious and long-term, avoid hooking up. Don’t be an easy chick. Let him know that it will take some time to get to the next step. It is always safe to be emotionally closer before getting physical. There is no need for rushing as we all know taking things slow is the wise option. It is not just a myth that guys love the chase. Because they do. So, let him work for it!
Flash news: guys want to take you home to mom, not to bed.
But if both of you need just a fling, you can ask him to come over after the date. Simple!
Let him know you had fun.
This is important. Leaving him without letting him know that you enjoyed will be a red flag. He will most likely think that you found him boring and is not interested in going for another date. Don’t dig a pit on your own.
Let him know. Linger by his car if he drops you off, and tell him you had fun. Gently touch his forearm(4). Tell him how much you enjoyed his company. Trust me, he will think about you and the date on his ride back home. Tell him you would like to give it another go.
Keep busy, don’t be desperate
If all goes well, wait for at least a day before contacting him. Who doesn’t like a chase! Prolong the chase and give him something to think about after the date. Keep yourself busy and distract your mind. Don’t be too keen on spending another day with him that you come off desperate. It’s mortifying after an extend. Give some time for him to contact you and let him know that you are interested in going for the next date.
Well, that’s it. I am not saying that first dates will be amazing for everyone but follow these tips for your dates to be not horrible. All you need to do is be the down to earth woman that you are and see who sticks with you for another date. Take your mind off from “what if’s”, it is not going to help you except make you more nervous than you already are.
“Relax, talk, have fun”, remember? Have fun!
- WikiHow.com (n.d.). How to Win a Guy over on the First Date. [online] Available at: https://www.wikihow.com/Win-a-Guy-over-on-the-First-Date
- Wikipedia.com (n.d.). Screen time. [online] Available at: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Screen_time
- Jayshetty.me. (n.d.). Relationship. [online] Available at: https://jayshetty.me/videos/
- Boureston Media Inc. (n.d.). What To Do On A First Date – 38 Great and fun things to do!. [online] Available at: https://www.mantelligence.com/what-to-do-on-a-first-date/