Personal Development

Surprising Ways To Improve Self Esteem In Relationships!

Being confident with yourself has its roots in self-love. And although self-love is not an easy task, no effort goes in vain. Be it for the treasure of lasting friendships or relationships, self-esteem is the golden key.

Written by Aashika Rajendran

On Jan 19, 2023 – 8 minutes read

Surprising Ways To Improve Self Esteem In Relationships!

Self-esteem and self-confidence are everything when it comes to living a healthy and long life. One can never have something called too much self-esteem. The more you have the better. Especially in a relationship, we tend to lose ourselves, though we don’t get it in the beginning, later this can affect the relationship. In a relationship, before being together there must be an understanding of yourself completely. This is directly connected to your self-esteem and thus makes you more available for your partner in clarity.

Everyone needs to feel support, safety, and love while in a relationship. To feel loved and to love others you have to be confident in yourself. Your high self-esteem ensures that you embrace vulnerability and take accountability for your actions. Thus you can improve a secure and healthy relationship. This article, “Surprising Ways To Improve Self Esteem In Relationships” will answer questions related to how one can improve self-esteem (especially women) when it comes to being with a partner. 

Amazing Ways To Improve Self Esteem In Relationships!

As the wordings go “self-love is the best love”, having good self-esteem can help your relationship blossom in ways you never thought possible. Boosting your self-esteem can work magic in your relationships. There is nothing that can hold back a person who has self-esteem and self-love once we start loving our life more we make better decisions, and respect ourselves as well as others.

surprising ways to improve selfesteem

If both partners have self-esteem that complements one another there is nothing that’s going to stop them from taking their relationship to its best potential. So guys if you haven’t thought much about improving it’s high time you do, self-esteem I some really powerful stuff that can either make or break yours.

Nobody is too old or too young to start nurturing and learning to build self-esteem(1). It is not an overnight process but understanding how and when one can easily change themselves. Let’s dive right into it.

How To Improve Self-Esteem In Relationships?

If you look into various self-esteem classes, “how to improve your self-esteem in a relationship?”(2), is one of the key burning questions.  But attending a crash course is not enough to learn or practice putting self-esteem first in day-to-day life. 

To start off with…

Stop Trying To Look Perfect And Expecting Others To Be Perfect

In most cases, right from the day, a child is born, he or she is raised in a culture of perception, perfection, and a preset standard. If the kid does not meet the requirements- be it at school or at home, he/ she is regarded as not good enough. This is the typical process we have all been through while growing up. 

how to improve self esteem in relationships

For someone who has been raised in such a family, to be thought to be always right and better than others would be important. Also, individuals with low-self esteem assume that love is to maintain an impression. If you are in a relationship with someone who is special to you, then it’s a good opportunity for personal growth. But at the same time if one has self-esteem then it can affect the other person too, thereby disrupting the whole relationship. Following some guidelines, you can easily motivate one another and build a healthy as well as long relationship.

Shut Down Your Inner Critic

Learning how to voice as well as handle your inner critic is the key to bringing back your self-esteem(3).  The inner voice can be constructive for many but for those many with low self-esteem, the negative inner thought can disrupt their everyday life. 

Shutting down this inner voice can be impossible at once but one can gradually work towards replacing those negative thoughts with positive and more helpful thoughts that can bring change in how you view yourself as well as others. 

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Here is a simple way to stop your inner critic: The STOP phrase.

When you are in a situation where your inner mind started making you think of negative thoughts simply say STOP. If the word stop doesn’t work for you you can also use words you are comfortable with for example:

No buddy, we are not going there…..

No, no, no…

Or you could just come up with a phrase or word that you are comfortable with but would stop the inner voice from coming up. Once that’s done focus your thoughts on something that you would like to do something constructive. For example: going shopping, the cafe you wanted to go to, calling an old friend, talking to your family- anything that would keep your mind occupied. 

Appreciate Your Partner More

No matter what the deal is, start by being appreciative and thankful for your partner’s needs. Try to notice the little things he does for you can try using the word, “thank you” often. Make it a point to ensure that you show your appreciation, this would not only put you at ease but will also help you both feel valued, wanted, important, and most important of all happy. 

self esteem and relationships psychology

Being A Bit Self-centered Is Good

Whenever your partner does something sweet for you, like waking you up with a hot mug of coffee (unless you are someone who hates being woken up then I can understand that all you can think of is murder) rather than just saying, “thank you that’s so sweet”, also try feeling that you are special and that is why your partner is doing what he does for you. Know that you deserve every bit of his love and care.

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From that self-awareness, you also understand that you are also a human with needs and expectations, and your partner is expected to understand them one by one through good communication. If you do not think that you deserve that kind of attention and love from your partner, you might turn defensive and hurt your partner rather than loving them. So know that you are special enough to be treated the right way.

Explore And Travel Together

Traveling far and wide can not only give your experiences that you can’t forget, but this can make you feel a lot more than just being a small-town girl. The feeling of being away from home, having your partner’s company, and surviving – can be an incredible boost to self-esteem(4).

10 things to boost self esteem

Coming back after a long-distance vacation can give you new insight, and new plans and make you realize that you are capable of so much more. This will improve the strength of your relationship and will help you to understand your partner a bit more.  

Learning New Stuff Together

When you learn something new – curiosity and excitement get to you. But when you are doing some new together with your partner the shared experiences, praise, and high fives will boost each person’s self-esteem.

how to build self esteem in marriage

When you are planning to do something new though choose something that would interest you as well as your partner,  for example, dance class, gym sections, crafts, art, etc. 

Flirt Away Like You Are Young And In Love

As we grow up we lose ourselves in our busy lives, we forget to express our love for our loved ones. Life is all about being loved and expressing love. Flirt like kids, praise your partner in private as well as in public and show them you are proud. Nothing can give a person confidence like showing them they are loved and appreciated. 

how to build self esteem in adults

Do activities to keep up the spark in your relationship. This will definitely help you to improve self-esteem in your relationship.

Be There For Each Other Mentally

Physical pain can be seen and felt but it requires a real person and true love to understand when the partner is in pain mentally. One of the common reasons for low self-esteem could be mental issues, therefore communicate whatever you are feeling trust, you may find it hard to talk but talking and getting help can certainly help in the long run. 

how to fix problems in a relationship

Why Do I Lose Confidence In A Relationship?

The reasons for losing confidence are a sign of low self-esteem, and the reasons could be many.

5 ways to improve self esteem
  • Biological reasons: Such as lifestyle, illness, genes, or some form of disability.
  • Spiritual reasons: Again lifestyle, thought and beliefs, reverence, shame, etc…
  • Psychological reasons: Childhood and adult experiences, mental trauma, abuse, self-evaluation, lifestyle
  • Social reasons: Negative friend circle, lifestyle, the pressure of competence

How To Identify A Person With Low Self-Esteem?

  • Worrying too much about what people might think about you.
  • Being very cautious
  • Scared to move out of the comfort zone
  • Avoid people fearing that you might upset them
  • Constantly wants others’ approval in life
  • Fear of being rejected
  • Faking illness and creating scenarios to grab attention
  • Extreme social anxiety
  • Always negative thoughts run through your head
  • Your symptoms are very similar to those with anxiety and depression
  • You get easily addicted
  • To talk to yourself and lot and criticize yourself
How can low self-esteem ruin a relationship?

I hope this article, “ Surprising Ways To Improve Self-Esteem In Relationships”(5), helped you understand what’s holding you down from having a full-fledged and happy relationship with your partner.  I have known most people who stay in a relationship that’s critical and abusive because they have no choice. Putting up with such behavior and not doing anything about it would not improve you or your partner or your relationship in the long run. If the situation is too much for you to handle and if depressing and negative thoughts keep coming into your mind no matter what you do, try talking to a professional. 

Always remember, you are worth it, and don’t compromise on anything take would take you or your partner down the drain. For more help, connect with me in the comments section below.

  1. your self-esteem effectively. [online] Available at:
  2. Psychology Today. (2019).Sussex Publishers, LLC. Building Self-Esteem and Improving Relationships | [online] Available at:
  3. to Fix Low Self Esteem Issues in a Relationship.[online] Available at:
  4. MeetMindful. Inc.(2019). Made with love in Denver, Colorado.5 Ways to Boost Self-Esteem & Better Your Relationship |[online] Available at:
  5. Henrik Edberg. (2006-2019).How to Improve Your Self-Esteem: 12 Powerful Tips | [online] Available at:

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Aashika is a makeup and beauty expert known for creating stunning looks that not only accentuate facial features but also empower women to feel confident in their skin.

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